Why the Security Guards were right and what they did was wrong

Sometimes you do the right thing and you get kicked in the ass; sometimes you get hurt. That's the plain facts of life. Sometimes doing the right thing means breaking some rules and risking a good ass kicking.

The Seattle security guards who stood by and watched one teenage girl kick another teenage girl in the head did everything by the book. It's about time we burned some books.

It's really a simple matter of policy. That statement should cause you to feel nauseated or angry, but it's true. The policy of the Olympic Security Service in Seattle is clear: observe and report. That's the policy for most civilian security agencies, store clerks and bank tellers across the country.

There's good reason for this policy. Most civilian employees are not trained to stop a violent attack and even if they are, they are not generally afforded the same legal discretion in the use of force equal to that given law enforcement personnel. The intention is to prevent untrained people from causing injury or harm to innocent people, or themselves.

Even law enforcement officers have been under increased pressure. They're sued for excessive force even in cases where their application of force appears more than reasonable. In most cases, they're subject to administrative leave and public condemnation as they wait for their names to be cleared. If their actions are deemed justified; the news of exoneration is seldom given the same media attention as the accusation of excessive force.

I'm not defending anyone who uses excessive force whether law enforcement or anyone else. The real danger today, however, is that you can be doing exactly the right thing as measured by the standard of what any reasonable person would do and still be subject to criminal charges, lawsuits, loss of your job and damage to your reputation.

That's why the Olympic Security Guards were right. What they did, or didn't do, was wrong.

Responsibility sometimes transcends what "reasonable people" might do in the face of real danger. Still, the guards did act reasonably so let's be sure we cover all the arguments justifying their actions/inactions.

Company policy says they did the right thing. We already beat that horse, but it is reasonable to follow company policy. Is following company policy justification enough to stand by while someone else is lying defenseless on the ground as another person kicks her head? Would you have risked your job to intervene on her behalf?

How about the danger of personal injury? One report cited that the guards acted properly since they were outnumbered 3 to 1. I've been teaching self-defense for over 20 years and every time we talk about similar situations I caution people to be very careful before they get involved. Part of the reason for this caution is the risk of personal injury, particularly if you're facing overwhelming odds or you're unarmed.

Would you face an angry violent mob to protect someone you didn't know?

The final argument is that this attack may have been provoked. It's certainly not reasonable to ask someone to try and sort out the justification for such an attack to decide whether it's appropriate to intervene. Would you want to know all the circumstances before you step into a situation like this one?

No matter what the provocation, what justification is there for a group of young women, or anyone else for that matter to track down and batter someone who poses no immediate physical threat?

Maybe it's time we become a lot less reasonable. This case is not isolated; the news has been full of reports of violent attacks, particularly by young people where bystanders lived up to the name until it was too late to help the victims. A few months ago dozens of teens walked by for nearly two hours as a classmate was brutally and repeatedly raped at a high school dance. Adults have even instigated attacks by their own children on others. In one recent case a parent prevented a victim from escaping a beating at her own home by her own daughter. Are these the actions of "reasonable" people?

Here is my "unreasonable" response:

This girl was escorted by mall cops to the area patrolled by the Olympic Security guards. She told the guards what was happening and asked for their protection. If their job is to observe and report, that's when they should have reported and had real cops on the way. Also at that point the very least they could have done was to take this young woman to a safer location.

Once the fight started it would seem a reasonable person concerned about personal harm would move to safety. These guys stood inches, not feet, inches from the fight. It does look like the closest guard is telling the attacker to back off, but is that enough? Part of the reason these guards probably don't act threatened is because they aren't. Two of the guards obviously weighed more than both the victim and the assailant put together. These were skinny teenage girls, not 200 pound men.

Forget the guards for a second; what about the dozens of other people walking by on the platform? Nobody wants to get involved? Did they assume the guards would handle it? Were they also afraid of this 110 pound teenage girl?

But what if one of the guards did grab the attacker? What if in the struggle the guard injured the attacker; what if they broke her arm? What if the other kids suddenly jumped in? The problem here is that the guards would likely lose their jobs, and would probably be the target of civil litigation. In our society the person doing the right thing is not always protected by the law. Sometimes the scumbag who is injured in the act of committing a crime comes out better than the person who risked his own safety to stop the crime.

Here's what should have happened:

Screw the possible consequences. Somebody, and most likely the guards whom the victim approached for help should have grabbed that skinny punk kid and tossed her across the platform. Those actions would have at the very least saved the victim from taking some of the 16 blows I counted on the video. This fight lasted nearly as long as an official round of amateur boxing. Wasn't that enough time for someone to step in?

One expert on ABC News, Professor Harold Tarkooshian of Fordham University stated that only 5% of the population would intervene given the same circumstances. The 95% who would not act would probably have reasonable justification to "observe and report." Some would not be physically capable, that makes sense. Others would fear retribution or personal injury, perfectly reasonable. Still others would simply not want to risk the possibility of a lawsuit not knowing all the circumstances, perfectly understandable.

It does take courage to act. Courage is not the absence of fear, that's stupidity. Courage is your willingness to act in the face of fear.

If you were faced with the same circumstances, would you be in the reasonable 95% of the population, or would you be in the 5% who would have the courage to act?



Here's a video of the attack with commentary from ABC News.


Jim Bouchard is an internationally recognized speaker, media personality and author of "Think Like a Black Belt." Jim is a self-defense expert with over 25 years experience and has served as a firefighter and bodyguard and has been involved in dealing with violent attackers in both roles.

For more information on Jim Bouchard and "Think Like a Black Belt" visit JimBouchard.org.

How DO You Boost Self-Esteem?

February is National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month! For more information and tools for esteem building visit JimBouchard.org!

You cannot "gift" self-esteem. Self-esteem can only be developed the old fashioned way; you have to earn it!
The formula is simple; not always easy. Think about the times in your life when you really felt a charge of self-esteem or self-worth:

• When you complete a big goal.
• When you do something really tough and see it all the way through.
• When you face a major challenge or adversity and succeed…or survive!
• When someone else recognized you for a job well done.

The best way to boost self-esteem is to take on some worthwhile, maybe even difficult challenge and see it through. Obviously self-esteem is boosted when you're successful, but you can also increase self-esteem by staying in a difficult fight whether you win or lose.

Challenge is the critical component. Does checking off some small or easy task on your list really boost your self-esteem? It may feel good to knock off some mundane task, but confidence and self-worth really comes from facing a meaningful challenge. The great thing is that these challenges are all around you:

• Take a college course or professional development seminar.
• Volunteer for a role outside your normal comfort zone.
• Set a challenging business or personal development goal and go for it.
• Learn something new; start learning a musical instrument or a new language.

The other important component in self-esteem is your perception of how other people see you. It's not always nice or easy, but it's the truth. Your self-esteem is sometimes affected by the opinions of others. I'm not encouraging you to become an egomaniac, but to a degree you've got to decide how other people's perceptions about you are going to affect your self-esteem. There's a vast difference between rationally processing other people's useful input and letting other people either build you up with false praise or knock you down with unprovoked attacks.

The most obvious boost to self-esteem originating from others is when you're recognized for a job well done or a significant contribution. But self-esteem cannot be "gifted," right? Still right! When you're recognized for your accomplishments remember that you're the one who did something worthy of that recognition. You have to train yourself to recognize and accept success.

Of course recognition for just showing up it does nothing for self-esteem! That's why we shouldn't be handing out trophies for losers! Harsh, but true! Most people (especially kids!) know when they're getting something for nothing, and that does nothing for self-esteem. It does quite the opposite; it causes you to question why you're being honored and usually results in feelings of unworthiness.

Be careful though…honorable mention is sometimes an honorable recognition! I always like to watch the last runners coming in at a marathon. These are the people who survive the race despite injuries and disabilities. I love to see someone literally dragging himself across the finish line 4 hours after the leaders. That guy deserves recognition; he could have quit! The honor is for finishing something most of us would consider impossible, not just for showing up on race day.

I just watched the 2010 "X-Games." There was a crash during the extreme snowmobile races; it looked to me like one of the racers broke his leg. I was amazed that the driver was continuing with the bottom part of his left leg flapping in the breeze! He pulled off the track where it became obvious that he didn't break his leg…he lost it! His prosthetic leg had come loose during the crash and his assistants were working frantically to get his leg back on and finish the race…and he did!

This guy earned his trophy! Instead of quitting he put his leg back on and finished. I hope he feels great about himself; he should! This racer's name is Mike Shultz. (Read more about Mike Shultz here!) Shultz earned whatever trophies he might earn the day he decided to get back on his sled with half his left leg missing!

I've had many great successes in my life. It took me a long time to learn how to recognize or accept success, even when other people were recognizing me for that success. Recognition can boost self-esteem if:

• The recognition is for genuine accomplishment.
• It comes from a credible source.
• You're receptive!

I've had many "Wayne's World" moments in my life. That's when someone offers genuine praise and I respond with my "I'm not worthy" chant. It's important to sort hollow praise from the noise, but when someone really notices when you do something remarkable, just say "thank you!" You see, the acceptance of genuine recognition is an action in itself; an important action in the self-esteem boosting process.

If recognition doesn't come, be ready to encourage yourself! Recognition is nice, but not necessary.

Here are three simple (not easy!) steps to help you boost your self-esteem:

• Find a meaningful challenge and go for it.
• Recognize the value of your success or your genuine effort.
• Accept recognition from credible sources.

Genuine self-esteem is not egotistical or selfish. It's synonymous with "confidence," an important quality of Black Belt Mindset. Knowing your own qualities and developing some surety in your ability to face challenges is an important value to yourself, but also the people around you. A more confident you is a greater resource to the important people in your life and to your community at large.

Boosting your self-esteem is a worthy goal for this month. The world needs a more confident you!

I'll post more about self-esteem throughout the month!


Want to start the process of boosting self-esteem in your life now? Get your copy of Dynamic Components of Personal POWER and your Power 101 audio program today!

You Don’t Have to Be a Champion

To be successful do you have to be the best?

A few years ago my wife Alex and I were on vacation in New Brunswick, Canada. We love the back roads and grab about any excuse we can for a side trip away from the major thru-ways; not a problem on this ride as we drove through Baie-Sainte-Anne, a small, rugged working fishing village. There wasn't much to see; small houses with boats in various stages of repairs, lawns covered with fishing gear and lobster pots.

We were struck by the site of a billboard, almost bigger than the small ranch house next to it. The sign read: "Welcome to Baie-Sainte-Anne, home of Yvon Durelle; the Fighting Fisherman!" It turns out the big sign and the little house both belonged to Durelle. Being a rabid boxing fan and an amateur boxer of negligible distinction I had to have a picture standing next to that sign!

Yvon Durelle was once a Canadian middleweight and light-heavyweight champion, but when there's an ultimate championship at stake other titles seem more like prerequisites for greatness rather than greatness themselves. Durelle set his sights on the World title.

His shot came on December 10, 1958 in Montreal. Authentic fight fans and pugilistic pundits still consider Durelle's battle with light-heavyweight World Champ Archie Moore to be one of the best fights in history. The Fisherman pounded the heavily favored Moore to the canvas 3 times in the first round; that would have been enough to earn the belt today but that was a different era in boxing. He knocked the champion down again in the 5^th. Somehow Moore weathered the beating and eventually knocked out Durelle in the 11^th to save his title.

Durelle never became World Champion. He retired with a record of 90 wins, (51 by way of knockout), 24 loses and 2 draws. One of those draws would likely have given him an earlier chance at the World title. After what most witnesses scored a sound beating of the number one contender, the boxing powers decided that the popular Tony Anthony was going to fight for the title and Durelle would have to wait. There's no such thing as a "fair fight."

Yvon Durelle's toughness, tenacity and refusal to give up despite the politics of boxing that no doubt gave little favor to the Canadian fisherman earned him revered status as a boxing legend; yet he never earned the World Championship he worked so hard for.

Most of us have stories closer to Yvon Durelle's than that of your favorite World Champ. Most of us have faced our share of challenges. Some of us have gotten a shot at the big prize only to come up short. All of us have faced times when politics and favoritism have deprived us of opportunity we might consider rightfully ours.

What did you do in those times? Did you keep punching? When you got knocked down, did you get back up? After a loss, did you climb back in the ring?

Authentic success is not a gift; it's a prize hard won with blood, sweat and tears. It's as much a process of defeat as it is winning. It's a process of surviving defeat and training for the next opponent.

There are a lot of great athletes in the boxing world. At any given time there is only one Champion. It's the same way in life and business. Your company may have a lot of great executives; there's only one CEO. There's only one captain on a ship.

If you compare yourself to others be prepared for one of two outcomes: you'll be better, or you'll be worse. Just like the contender who takes the Championship bout; you may become the Champ, you might not.

Losing a Championship does not make you a loser. Fighting for the Championship makes you a winner; every time! I'm not saying that to make you feel good, it's a fact. There can only be one Champion, but every contender has faced and defeated the best of the best to earn the shot at the title.

You may never be the Champion; you can always be a contender. That's really what life and success is all about for most of us. The important thing is to be in the fight. If you don't take the title, at least you've faced the best. Compare yourself with those who never had the courage to step in the ring!

Success isn't always about becoming the best in the world. It's always about becoming the best you can be.
After their legendary fight Archie Moore said the fisherman from Baie-Sainte-Anne was the toughest opponent he had ever faced. What will your opponents say about you? Yvon Durelle is not a household word. Among his peers and those who count his name is part of a timeless legend.

Success is living a life you can be proud of. Keep punching; keep getting back in the ring and you'll always be in contention.

That's success!

Jim Bouchard is America's Black Belt Mindset Master…speaker, media personality and author of Think Like a Black Belt (available May 2010) and Dynamic Components of Personal Power.

Jim's official amateur boxing record will forever stand at 0 wins, 1 loss. His "unsanctioned" record will never be published!

Visit JimBouchard.org!

Your Kids Are Your Own Fault

Larry Winget has written one of the most important books on parenting for our society in our time.

Yes, that Larry Winget; the bald, brash, controversial and I dare say at times engagingly abrasive speaker and author whose trademark Western shirts and cowboy boots make it seem more likely that he’d be Kinky Friedman’s next running mate than America’s next Dr. Spock.

Don’t expect the typical “how to” guide to successful parenting; Larry has not written a cookbook here. This is a direct call to action that slaps us in the face with the truth and consequences of parenting, good and bad.

“Your Kids Are Your Own Fault” is important for two reasons:

• In his own inimitable blunt style Larry reminds parents that it is your sacred obligation to parent…and to do it well.

• He addresses the ugly and sometimes painful realities facing contemporary families without flinching.

He covers it all: respect (or lack of it), personal responsibility, success, discipline and punishment. He also talks about cars, drugs, drinking and sex. Yes…sex:

“Kids are going to have sex…Am I condoning it? Am I saying that they should have sex? No. I am only saying that kids are going to have sex. Teach them responsibility, respect and safety. Talk to them…Do your job, Mom and Dad; have the talk.”

That’s typical Larry Winget advice; his overarching theme is personal responsibility. He’s become one of America’s most successful speakers and authors by telling us to “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life,” “You’re Broke Because You Want to Be” and “It’s Called Work for a Reason; Success is Your Own Damn Fault.”

“Your Kids Are Your Own Fault” is Larry Winget in full voice. If you’re ready to take a serious look at where you are as a parent and how to handle the challenges of contemporary family life without excuses, “Your Kids Are Your Own Fault” should be in your bookcase.

Is Larry Winget qualified to write a book on parenting? First and last, he is a parent. He’s raised two sons who have become happy, successful and responsible adults. That alone wouldn’t earn my endorsement. I’ve worked with thousands of kids and parents as a professional martial arts instructor for over 20 years. I’ve seen the best of the best and some of the worst.

It’s evident from his book that Larry is one of the best, not because he didn’t make mistakes; he did and shares them candidly. I can recognize Larry’s quality as a parent because he approaches parenting as an imperfect blend of art and science. Like any other worthwhile adventure, parenting requires a continual commitment to self-improvement and change.

I’ve read dozens of books on parenting, teaching and coaching to help me become a better teacher and more important to make me a better resource to the young people and parents I serve. Too many of these are academic studies. Many approach the subject from a clinical psychological perspective or from a medical point of view. Way too many simply lack humanness and accessibility.

As he’s done with his other subjects, Larry goes for the pressure point and delivers an insightful and practical guide for becoming an effective parent. He does it with wit and a wry sense of humor that entertains, sometimes instigates, sometimes aggravates, once in a while provokes and always hits a nerve. There’s also the warm side as he shares plenty of stories from his own experience, and that of his kids, to make “Your Kids…” just a fantastic read.

Most of all, it’s honest. To this day when I have to address kids with criticism or correction, I always ask them, “Do you want me to be nice, or honest?” They always say honest. (I give adults the same option!)

Here’s a passage that really rang the bell for me:

“People tell their kids, ‘You can be whatever you want to be.’ That isn’t realistic. You should not be telling our kid that he can be whatever he wants to be. Why? Because he can’t.”

For years I’ve made two promises to my martial arts students and only two. I now make the same promises to anyone willing to learn how to Think Like a Black Belt.

1. If you’re willing to do what it takes to make it to Black Belt (or learn how to think like one), you can do whatever you want with your life…within the scope of your talents and abilities.

2. You’ll learn how to recognize and develop your talents and abilities.

Larry, thanks for the validation:

“The truth is he (your kid) can be whatever he has the basic talent for being and is willing to work hard enough to become using that talent.”

Insulting and demeaning children causes them great harm; being honest with them gives them hope, encouragement and freedom.

The only real problem I have with Winget’s book is this: he’s probably going to end up preaching to choir. That’s OK, sometimes validation is as important as education. If you consider yourself a good parent already, you’ll enjoy this book because you’re probably singing in harmony. Larry’s views on particular issues may piss you off at times; that’s his charm! But above all he’s not telling you what to do; he’s simply pointing out what needs to be done!

If you’re struggling with parenting your children; this book is essential. To paraphrase Larry, stop whining and start reading. He probably won’t solve all your problems but you’ll realize you’re not alone and you’ll either find the inspiration or instigation to make some changes.

I’m also going to recommend this book to teachers, coaches and anyone else who works with children whether you have kids of your own or not. You’re an important part of the process of “raising responsible, productive adults” in our society and Larry has started an engaging, constructive and important dialog on how we can help young people face today’s incredible challenges.

If you know someone else who is struggling with the challenges of parenthood; buy them a copy!

“Your Kids Are Your Own Fault” will help you become a Black Belt parent and earns Larry Winget the honor of Black Belt Mindset Master!



Jim Bouchard
Internationally recognized Speaker, Black Belt Mindset Master, media personality and author of Think Like a Black Belt and Dynamic Components of Personal Power!


Larry Winget appears on a very Special Episode of Black Belt Mindset PowerPOD; Tuesday, January 12th…


…also: Larry will be the special guest as Jim guest hosts Jon Hansen’s PI Window on Business on Friday, January 15th.

Be sure to join our No Spam email list at JimBouchard.org for details and updates on all events and media appearances!

I slept with Tiger Woods too…

Well, to be honest, I didn't. I'm straight, I'm happily married and I don't like golf; but this is the kind of headline that can really get you noticed these days!

That's the shame of it. Now before I go too far this is not an article on sex scandals. This is an article on acting responsibly and how acting irresponsibly can destroy your business, your brand and your personal life. More important, this is an article on what you can do to avoid the same sort of disaster that Mr. Woods has created for himself.

And that's where it starts…

You can judge Tiger's actions any way you want. The fact is that nobody forced him to go on sex romps with multiple high-profile partners and purchase group sex partners from an escort service. It's an old cliché but appropriate, Tiger made his own bed; or at least he paid good money to have his bed made up after he and his partners were done using it.

At first I thought the Tiger Woods brand was salvageable. There are three sides to every story and at best we may hear two of them. I'm not one to judge anyone for making a mistake or even for doing something stupid once in a while. Tiger's troubles appear to be much different than the average married person seeking comfort or excitement in the arms of someone other than their spouse.

Had this been a singular occurrence I may feel differently; none of us are immune from runaway emotions or lapses in judgment. Obviously Tiger was well aware of the level and seriousness of his behaviors and he chose to continue. This boils down to a personal responsibility issue. Once he decided that his gratification was to be found outside his marriage, he should have ended his marriage…or stopped his behavior.

Now for the business part:

Why do any of us have any business commenting or criticizing a private individual's behavior? Tiger Woods is not just a person, he's a commodity. He chose his life and as a commodity he has traded on his public image, persona and reputation. He marketed an image of excellence and trust that the public literally bought into. People spent their hard-earned on products and services because they trusted Tiger.

Granted, Tiger Woods is an international brand; but you have the same responsibility in your local business and marketplace. You also have the same responsibility if you're in a trusted leadership position in a major corporation or if you're the front line supervisor at a fast food restaurant. The fact is that behind every brand, every customer relationship and every business interaction there is a person. That person is you.

I'm not a branding expert; I'll leave that to my dear friend Dr. John Tantillo. In fact, you can read some of his thoughts on this subject here.

I'm a personal responsibility expert. Black Belt Mindset is about honor, respect, responsibility, excellence and leadership. It's about trust and trustworthiness. When you represent you business and your family your actions and deeds, or misdeeds, are not yours alone. Your actions affect others and it's your responsibility to take care of the other people in your life by living respectfully.

When you choose not to act respectfully or responsibility, you own the consequences.

But people make mistakes, right? That's right; and it's up to the people making the mistakes to fix them.

So far it seems that Tiger Woods is doing just that. He did not act responsibly toward his family, his sponsors or his public before his randy ways were discovered. It seems now that he recognizes the damage he's done and he is choosing to at least take some time away from his games in the bedroom and on the golf course and try to make some reparations. Personal responsibility is not always about being perfect and honor is often about atoning for past transgressions.

I'm also impressed that Tiger has not lashed out at the press or the public. Too many celebrities blame the media for their problems or criticize the public for poking their noses in where it doesn't belong. Again, if you're trading on your brand or reputation, and we all are, then our actions are to a degree open to public scrutiny. Privacy should be granted when someone is heading for the bunker to resolve their problems.

Another reason the Tiger Woods story is so compelling is the "role model" aspect. Charles Barkley was wrong; a public figure is a role model whether he likes it or not. When you're trading on your public image you are a role model. You may not be a positive role model, but other people, particularly young people will emulate your behavior. Ultimately your legacy will depend on how people perceive you and whether or not they think you're someone worth emulating.

Having said that; it's not the celebrity's fault if you decide to go out and act like a jerk too. If you're a parent it's your job to teach your children what behaviors are right and which are wrong. When a celebrity messes up it's a teachable moment. The problem with celebrity role models is when parents are not actively engaged in who their children model and what their message is. You've got to be part spy, part confident and part dictator. There's a lot of media power and peer pressure out there; your job is to sort through it and make sure your kids get the right message.

The lesson from the Tiger Woods adventure is simply this: your actions affect the lives of others. The difference between right and wrong is not usually rocket surgery; do wrong and you had better be prepared for the consequences.



Think Like a Black Belt:

• Respect means taking care of yourself and others. Before you act think about the consequences your actions will have on yourself and those around you.
  
  
• Honor means taking responsibility. When things go sour, take your medicine.
  
  
• Courage means facing up to difficult situations. It's not easy to make things right after making a mistake; it is the right thing to do.
  

I wish the best for Tiger Woods and his family. He does seem like a basically decent person who allowed himself to get caught up in the temptations of fame and fortune. For those who wish to criticize it's your right; just consider honestly whether or not you would be susceptible to similar temptations given the same exposure. If you think you might be tempted to pull a Tiger Woods, now is the time to start strengthening your resolve or reconsidering your current situation.


Jim Bouchard is an internationally recognized speaker, media personality, Black Belt Mindset Master and author of Think Like a Black Belt. Visit JimBouchard.org.

You Don’t Need Permission for Excellence

Why would you need anyone's permission to excel? Who has the right to determine your greatness?

Parents certainly have an influence. Have your parents ever told you that you're not good enough? Have they told you that you need a "fall-back" plan or that you didn't have the talent to make it? Have they reminded you that nobody else in the family ever succeeded at what you're dreaming of?

Teachers have a part. You may not be making the grades. You might not be going to the "right school." You may choose a major only to be told that nobody makes a decent living with that degree.

Coaches can do some damage too. How do you feel when you're riding the bench? What does it feel like when a coach tells you that you're simply not good enough to start or that you lack the natural abilities of the star athletes?

What about your boss? Have you ever been passed up for a raise or reprimanded for a mistake? Have you ever been held back due to office politics or had someone else take credit for your idea?

Sometimes people try to hold you back out of jealously, politics, selfishness or ignorance. Others hold you back because they're dictators, not leaders. Sometimes they're protecting their own turf and you pose a threat.

Sometimes people try to hold you back because they genuinely care about you. They might not want to see you get hurt or fail. They may really be acting with best intentions and your best interests at heart.

Sometimes the people holding you back are right! They may be experts in the adventure you've chosen and might know you simply don't have what it takes. They might honestly recognize that your talents are better suited to a different endeavor.

You don't need anyone's permission to excel. You do need talent and ability. You need desire, perseverance, courage and audacity.

I make two promises to my martial arts students. These are the only promises I'll make. I promise anyone willing to do what it takes to earn a black belt that:

• You'll be able to do anything you want with your life; within the scope of your talents and abilities.
  
• You'll learn how to recognize and cultivate your unique talents and abilities.
  

My students don't need my permission to earn a black belt. When I award a black belt I'm offering recognition and certification for their accomplishment; I'm giving them credentials. They need to grant themselves permission to be excellent. What I'm giving them is an opportunity and a platform to discover their excellence. If I'm the Wizard, I'm only giving the Scarecrow his diploma. Just like the Wizard I might have provided the challenge but he had the brains to succeed all along!

When it comes to excellence the only time you'll need someone else's permission or approval is when you ask for it…Don't!

Be realistic. Expert opinions and experience should be part of formulating your best expression of your talents and abilities, but then you've got to make your own decision. When someone with reasonable abilities fails, it's not usually due to a lack of talent. Michael Jordan was kicked off his high school basketball team; he had the talent he just hadn't done the work he needed to do to become great yet!

You should pay attention to the effect your actions will have on others. If your plans are genuinely selfish and might harm you or the people around you, you shouldn't need to ask anyone's permission. You should know enough to deny yourself.

Ask someone else for permission and there is always a chance it might not be granted. From someone else's perspective you may not be talented, deserving or good enough. They may not want you to excel.

Don't ask for permission. Take a rational look at your talents and abilities, factor in your passion and when you decide on a course of action go for it!

Ultimately, the only permission you need to achieve greatness is your own.

 

Jim Bouchard is an internationally recognized speaker, media personality and author of Think Like a Black Belt and Dynamic Components of Personal POWER! Visit JimBouchard.org!

 

No Does Sometimes Mean No…Even in Sales!

I just posted a comment to a discussion stream on LinkedIn and damned if I didn't impress myself! (It's sometimes good to be somewhat self-amused!)

 At any rate, I thought it would make a useful blog post…file this one under the BizJitsu series and watch for my new BizJitsu blog coming soon!



Conventional sales training teaches you that you should never be discouraged by the word "NO." You should be persistent and never take NO for a final answer.

NO! I'm all for perseverance and persistence but if you're hearing NO a lot you better take a look in the mirror, or better yet record (and listen to) your next sales call.

I'm going to chime in from the customer's perspective: There is such a thing as "NO" and I must say it a dozen times a week...and I DON'T want to hear from those people again!

I say NO when when the salesperson making the call has obviously done NOTHING to find out why, how or even if I would use their product or service.

I say NO when the salesperson has obviously done NOTHING to find out about me other than my name, and especially if they pronounce that wrong! We have access to the miracles of Google and LinkedIn; this should virtually elminate the cold call. Still, I get calls from people who have no idea what my specific needs and wants might be.

I say NO when the salesperson refuses to get to the point. I'm busy and while I'm the first to say (and will again in a second) that the relationship is crtical to the sale, I don't have time to listen to 30 minutes of crap about someone's kids or dogs and I don't care to unless I know them! Tell me what you're after and then we'll work on the relationship...

...having said that, the salesperson had better get to know me, and my needs and wants before making a pitch.

I say NO when I don't like the person. One of the most overlooked aspect of sales is to be a likeable person. This means to be sincerely interested in the customer's needs above the amazing benefits of your wares. Napoleon Hill and Dale Carnegie should still be required reading for all sales people.

The BizJitsu (TM) technique for minimizing negative responses is to do your homework to assure you're meeting the prospect's unique needs and desires. This is the relationship building part and it involves RESPECT for the prospect's opinions, time and budget.

If you sense a genuine NO coming at the end of the conversation; don't make the pitch! If you're not a fit, so be it! That prospect may just recommend you to someone else simply because you showed respect, sincerity and didn't waste their time. You're more likely to earn great referrals by being a likeable person; you'll never get a referral by being a pest!


BTW...I offer a workshop as part of my BizJitsu series titled:

One With the Enemy: Relationships Before Sales! If anyone is interested give me a shout at 800-786-8502 or visit JimBouchard.org to get to know me better.

If you're not interested I promise I'll never bother you!

Best thoughts!
Jim